Month: October 2012

For The Love of Poetry & Spoken Word: Halloween Special

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For The Love of Poetry & Spoken Word: Halloween Special

The Morals Of Today

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I guess that it may have to do with my upbringing, but I am wondering what has happened to the way that I was brought up, but I am really beginning to wonder what has happened to the morals that we once had in this country?
I remember as a child we would have to do such things as apologize when we did wrong, speak softly while we are in a library, not blast music at all kinds of late night hours, watch the language that we used and so much more. But lately it seems as though so much of the morals that we had at one time is now gone.
I was riding a bus not to long ago, when a guy got onto the bus and took a seat that faced the aisle. Nothing unusual or wrong about it, but then he proceeded to stretch his legs out ago the aisle, and as people would come up him, he wouldn’t bother to bring them back so that they could get by without having to worry if they were going to trip and fall over. He finally did pull his legs back when someone with a baby stroller rang into his legs.
What is nice about riding BART in San Francisco during the commute times is that people will get into lines to board the trains. What people will also do is to step aside (but still move up) if the train isn’t the one that they want, in order to let those who are boarding get on. I find it funny at times that there are some people who will try and break through the ones who have stepped aside in order to board, and often the ones who have stepped aside will say something letting the person know that they need to get into line. Most will then get into the back of the line, but others will pretend that they don’t understand English and try to get through anyway.
As I write this, I am sitting in a library and there are a couple of guys show are speaking very loudly. They are in the DVD section, and one of them is speaking loudly trying to find a DVD, as he puts it, “showing animals eating each other.” The other one points out the film “The Color Purple” and the other one says that he “doesn’t want to watch any films with Colored People in it.” There is a very attractive young lady sitting not far from me, and we look at each other and laugh a the guys comment. I am also hearing people talk who are about half way tot he other end of the library. Now I don’t mind people talking in the library, but when they are talking in a low voice.
Lately one of the local drug dealing gangs has decided that they want to do there trade in front of the building that I live in. Oddly enough I don’t mind it much (even though there is a nice empty spot right up the street where I think that they would actually get neighborhood support if they were there,) but I kind of think of them as the neighborhood protection, as they have actually prevented crimes from happening. My landlord is a frail lady, and when she comes down to walk her dog, if they don’t walk with her, they walk not to far behind her to make sure that nobody bothers her.
But lately they have gathered around 9pm until 2am or so talking loudly and/or blasting their music. It wouldn’t bother me if they did it every once in a while, but it has gotten to be almost a daily thing. At one point it was daily, but I think that someone just had a baby, and the father is the uncle of one of the guys and came out and reached into the car and turned the music down. The person’s whose car it is got upset, and an argument took place. I had to laugh when it came to the argument, as one of them threatened to call the police on the other. Since that time I have noticed when they do get into arguments about certain things, they will threaten to call the police on each other.
I have also noticed more people cussing in everyday language. Now it is not often that I will swear, but I find it amazing at how dumb people sound when they do it. As I was walking home the other night, some kids swore at his father. I don’t think that my parents have ever heard me use a swear word, and even today I couldn’t swear at them. Now I don’t put the entire blame on parents on this, but on Hollywood, as they try as often as possible to put as much swearing into television show, movies, music and other forms of entertainment as possible. I find it funny at all of the youth that I hear who basically are trying to be the next big “Hip-Hop/Rap” star, but all of the lyrics that they say are full of cussing. They don’t seem to understand that if a radio station were to play their stuff, most of their stuff would get bleeped out.
I have also noticed so much more in churches how manners seem to be falling away. I have watched (and have experienced) others come up with ideas only to have them stolen and claimed by others. I just had this happen not long ago (again,) and I think that I will have to put out ideas from time to time that I know will be “stolen”, but I know will fail in the end making the other person look really stupid. Oh sure they will try to lay the blame on me, but people’s boosting will only hurt them in the end.
Oh I can go on and on, and I am sure that you too can add stories yourself, but what has happen to Manners in this country and throughout the world? Why is it that women seem get shocked when I hold a door open, or give up a seat for them on a bus? Why it is that people just can’t stand in a line in order to do things in an orderly and faster matter? When did we forget to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”
But most importantly, think to yourself and ask yourself in what ways you can have better manners and morals? I would love to read what you have to say in the comments below…

The Voice

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In blog is an answer to a question that was asked of me due to something that I had said on Facebook. What I said was “If you could ask me one question, that I would give the total truthful answer to, what would that question be?” Someone asked me why I disliked my voice.

I find that most people really don’t like the sound of their voice when they hear it, and I am very much like that. For me, my voice doesn’t sound like I imagine the way that it sounds. I know that sounds strange, but that is how it is for me. I honestly can’t tell you how I think that it would sound, but when I hear it, it is much different.

I also don’t care for my voice because it puts me in a place that I don’t like, and that is being noticed. Most people like to stand out and be recognized, and in some ways I am the same way, but in many ways I like to be in the background or behind the scenes.

The first time that I can recall where my voice became something that people paid attention to happened when I was around 9 or 10 when I was accused of saying something, which I don’t think that I said but very well could of said, and a teacher and mom pointed out that when I talked, people would actually stop and listen. (Yeah I know, “When Clinton Speaks, everybody listens.”) I was going to a school where they would pick me up everyday in a van, and they told me to actually listen to what would happen when I spoke. I just knew that they didn’t know what they were talking about, but I figured that I would give it a try. Over the next few days I said very little on the ride, as I wasn’t sure if it was something that they had told the other students to do, and I figured that if I waited a few days then the others would of forgotten what they were told to do. About a week went by and I then remembered what was told to me, and I figured that it would be a great time to give it try. I struck up a conversation with one of the other students while still paying attention to the sounds of the others as we rode along. Sure enough, people became more and more quiet along and were paying attention to what I was saying. Now I don’t think that the conversation had anything to do with something that was quiet important, but the others listened like what I had to say was super important. This became interesting to me, as it made me wonder if they were really interested in what I had to say. I had to think deeply about this. I needed to come up with something that I knew would come back to me in someway and I knew it wouldn’t of come from someone else. I had to come up with a lie, but one that wouldn’t hurt anybody. I think that I spent a week thinking about what to say, and sure enough I knew what could be said.
One of the great things growing up that happened was the fact that my parents encouraged us kids to read, but it wasn’t by just putting a book in front of us and telling us to read it, but they lead by example by reading books themselves. The next time that my mom took us to the library, I looked through the books to find something that I would find interesting to read. I came across some book, and I skimmed through it. It looked interesting, but a choose another book that looked good to read when we left. The next time I got into the van, I asked someone what they had done since I last saw them, and they told me. I told them about this book, and acted like I had just started reading it and how good it was. Everyone listened and some said that they wanted to read the book also. Someone asked me to bring it and that we could read it out loud as we went back and forth to school. For a quick second I thought that I was caught, but I then said that I had to return the book back that night. When the van came the next day, I got in and the driver\teacher turned and handed me a copy of the book saying that he bought it so that we could read it while we traveled. I knew then that they were right in that people would listen to me when I spoke.

Over time I would pay attention as I spoke, and I noticed it happening in all kinds of situations, and it bothered me. A friend of mine mentioned my voice one day as he had noticed the same thing, and I asked them to explain it to me. They said that it was just something about the sound of my voice that they really couldn’t explain. I found myself talking less and less, and the sound of my voice is something that I paid attention to and found that it didn’t sound the way that I thought that it sounded.

While I was going through high school, several teachers said that I should be on the radio because of my voice, as they enjoyed listening to me speak. Ugh, the last thing that I really wanted was to be working a job where people would be listening to the thing that I really began to dislike. Now these teachers weren’t the first to say that to me, as I had heard the same thing from someone while I was in middle school from a couple of teachers.

During high school there was a girl I had some classes with who liked me, and I liked her. We were talking one day, and she mentioned my voice. I asked her about it. She said it was my voice that she really liked, as it was so deep and sounded sexy. She then said that it wasn’t my looks or anything else that caused her to like me, but it was my voice. Now this might sound stupid to some, but that really hurt me to hear. In the way that she said it, I knew that if I wanted to get her into bed I could easily do it, but even as a horny teen I knew that I wanted more than just sex in a relationship, and knew that if some slick guy came along with the looks and more, she would be jumping in bed with him and basically just keeping me around as backup if things didn’t work there. I didn’t and still don’t want to be the “Back Up Plan and Desire”, I wanted and still want to be the one a woman desires as I only desire to be with her.

Over time I learned how to us my voice to get what I want at times, but I knew that it was and is wrong of me to take advantage of things to get what I want and hurt others.

Over the internet I have met a number of people, and one night I talked to someone that I had met online. Now I don’t recall how she managed to hear my voice, but she stated referring to me as Chef, as she said that I sounded alike like the character on the tv show South Park. Oh it came back to my voice again, UGH!!! Now I knew that nothing would ever happen between us, as she was (and still is) very happily married.
I went into some video chat rooms and from time to time the host would want to bring my on camera with them. What I would often hear is about is how much they loved me voice. If people would be in the room who had heard me saw that I was there, sure enough they would request that I be put on the show also just so that they could hear my voice. At one place, the women would refer to me as “Big Sexy” after one of them said that is what I sounded like, and in fact to this day still calls me “Big Sexy”. But what I suddenly realized was they these women would want to hear my voice while they “lusted” for another guy in the room, so I stopped allowing people to bring my voice up.

But this voice thing has surfaced again over the last 6 months or so. Someone said that they would love to hear me do a podcast where I would just talked, as they liked my voice. I jokenly asked what I would talk about, and she replied that I could talk about chairs or other stuff, it was that she enjoyed listening to me talk and my voice, and that I could make anything sound interesting. So as a joke, I did a podcast where I had pulled up the history of chairs in Wikipedia and read it. Not only did she like it, but several others commented on how much they enjoyed it. I would never think that anyone would have interest in hearing someone talk about the history of chairs…
Not long ago, someone I know was trying to do a live video show somewhere, and she was having trouble doing it. Somehow she had muted herself, but someone mentioned that they could hear me. She finally got herself unmuted and I said something. She started laughing, and said something to the effect that I sounded like Chef from South Park. The thing is, she had met me face-to-face about a year ago, so she knows exactly what I sound like in person…
I don’t think that my voice would bother me so much, but it seems to be the one thing that people seem to get stuck on with me. At times I understand women when they feel as though they are looked upon as a piece of meat, but in my cause it seems as though I am just looked upon as just a voice…

OK Phyllis, I hope that this answers your question as to why I don’t like my voice.